SOME MUSICAL JOKES
Q. HOW DO YOU STOP A TROMBONE PLAYER DROWNING
A. TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF HIS HEAD!
Q. HOW DO YOU STOP A DRUMMER DROWNING ?
A. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO ?
Q. HOW DO YOU MAKE A TROMBONE SOUND LIKE A FRENCH HORN ?
A. PUT YOU FIST IN THE END AND PLAY A LOT OF WRONG NOTES !
Q. HOW MANY CONDUCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
A. ONLY ONE BUT NOBODY WILL WATCH HIM !
Q. WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF BAGPIPES ?
A. THE MISSING LINK BETWEEN NOISE & MUSIC!
Q. HOW DO YOU GET TWO PICCOLO PLAYERS IN TUNE ?
A. SHOOT ONE!
Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A DRUMMER WITHOUT A BROTHER?
Q. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TROMBONE AND A TRAMPOLINE?
A. YOU TAKE YOUR BOOTS OFF TO JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE!
Q. HOW DO YOU TELL IF THE DRUMMER IS AWAKE?
A. HE DRIBBLES FROM BOTH SIDES OF HIS MOUTH
Q. HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A VIOLA SECTION IS AT YOUR DOOR?
A. NO ONE KNOWS WHEN TO COME IN!
Q. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN OBOE AND AN ONION?
A. NOBODY CRIES WHEN YOU CHOP UP AN OBOE!
Q. WHY DO BAGPIPERS WALK AS THEY PLAY?
A. TO GET AWAY FROM THE NOISE!
Q. HOW MANY TRUMPET PLAYERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
A. FIVE: ONE TO HANDLE THE BULB AND FOUR TO TELL THEM HOW THEY COULD DO IT BETTER (BUT ONLY IN THE PRACTICE ROOM)!
Q. Why do they only have 20 minute intervals at concerts?
A. Any longer and you have to re-train the drummers!
Q. How can you tell a trombonist's kid on the playground?
A. He doesn't know how to use the slide and he can't swing !
Q. What do you call someone who can play trombone, but doesn't?
A. A gentleman.
Q. What's the difference between a dead
trombonist in the road and a dead
skunk in the road?
A. Skid marks before the skunk.
Q. How many bass trombonists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but he'll do it too loud.
Q. What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
A. The bull has the horns in the front and the ass in the back.
Q. How do you get a violist to play "piano e tremuloso?"
A. Mark the passage "solo."
Q. What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
A. A viola takes longer to burn.
An accordionist is on his way home from a late-night gig. He decides he should stop and get some coffee to stay awake for his trip. So he finds a 24-hourdiner along the road, pulls in, parks and locks his car, and starts walking to the front door. Suddenly he says, "Oh, my God, the accordion." So he turns and races back to his car, but when he gets there it's too late.
Someone has smashed in the back window and thrown in two more accordions.!
Have you heard about the drummer, got fed up because the rest of the band got all the attention and all the girls, everyone ignored him because he was just the thick drummer. He decided to do something about this and visited a local musical instrument shop, thinking he would change his instrument and people would notice him. After looking round the shop he approaches an assistant and asks the price of the red trumpet and the accordion. The assistant replies that he will willingly sell the fire extinguisher but the radiator is staying on the wall.
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